Why can't I change?
Have you ever tried to form a good habit and failed to continue it? You can also try to quit a bad habit, but you will eventually end up repeating it. Why is it so hard to form good habits and so easy to repeat bad ones?
It's easy to start a good habit, but it's difficult to continue it. Whether it be exercise, reading, or meditation. We will be able to start and continue them for a few days, even for a few months, but eventually, we will fall off the track. On the contrary, bad habits like smoking, eating junk food and watching too much television, despite our sincere efforts to quit them, end up repeating themselves.
Changing our habits, whether it be adding a good one or removing a bad one, can be challenging for two reasons. The first reason is that we are trying to change the wrong thing, and the second is that we are trying it in the wrong way.
What should I change?
It's not our habits that need changing; it's our identity. Many people start their journey toward self-improvement by setting goals and changing their habits to achieve them. For example, say our goal is to lose weight. Then we change our habits to stop eating junk food, working out at the gym, and so on. This type of change is called an "outcome-based" change.
The problem with outcome-based change is that people often neglect the underlying beliefs that drive their actions, leading them to become disappointed with their habits and eventually quit.
If we want a lasting change in our habits, we should follow an "identity-based" change. In this method of change, we first change our identity. This includes our beliefs, worldview, self-image, and judgments. For example, if you want to lose weight, you should start by identifying as a healthy person. Your judgment should be that of a healthy person. You should ask yourself, "What will a healthy person do? ''.
Once you identify as a healthy person, your beliefs and worldview will be those of a healthy person. Your self-image will be that of a healthy person. Research has shown that once a person believes in a particular aspect of their identity, they are more likely to act in alignment with that belief. When your behavior and your identity are fully aligned, you are no longer pushing yourself for change. You are simply acting like the person you believe you are, and it will automatically change your habits to achieve your goals.
How do I change?
Once you identify the type of person you want to be, the next step is to prove it to yourself with small wins and reinforce your desired identity. Take pride in your small wins. The more pride you have in a particular aspect of your identity, the more motivated you will be to maintain the habits associated with it.
For example, if you want to lose weight, you must first identify as a healthy person. Then you take small steps, like walking for 10 minutes or cycling for an hour, and take pride when they are achieved. This will motivate you to repeat the process the next day. Once your pride gets involved, you will fight very hard to maintain your habits.
However, as you repeat these actions, the evidence accumulates, and your self-image begins to change. There is always an internal pressure to maintain your self-image, which will help you continue your habits.
How to sustain positive habits and overcome negative ones
The ultimate form of motivation to continue a habit is to make it a part of your identity. So to continue a good habit, we need to make it a part of our identity. Our behavior is a part of our identity. What we believe is what we do.
For example, if you want to write a book, it's one thing to start writing a book; it's entirely different to believe you are a writer and then start writing a book. If you believe you are a writer and start taking pride in your small achievements, like writing a page, you will be motivated to write more, and you will continue that habit.
The keywords for quitting a bad habit are "That's not who I am". If you strongly believe and agree, you are not the type of person who has that habit. Then your self-image will never let you repeat it.
For example, you want to stop smoking, and you strongly believe that you are not a smoker—not someone who is trying to quit smoking, but not a smoker. Then, if someone offers you a cigarette, you will reject it by saying, "No thanks. I'm not a smoker" and will never smoke again.
Identity change is the north star for habit change. You have the power to change your beliefs about yourself. Your identity is not fixed. You can choose the identity and habits you want. Habits are not about having something; they're about becoming someone.
Sure, I'd be happy to help. What questions do you have? Please leave a comment below.
Read my other blogs from the "Atomic Habits" series: Atomic Habits
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